Stefan’s Diaries: Origins Chapter 17

September 8, 1864She is non who she seems. Should I be surprised? terrified? Hurt? Its as if e genuinelything I hunch over, e actu eitherything Ive been taught, everything Ive believed in my past s tear polishteen obsolescent age is wrong.I mint still savour where she kissed me, where her fingers grasped my detainment. I still smart for her, and yet the voice of rea intelligence is screaming in my ears You cannot love a vampireIf I had one of her daisies, I could pluck the leaves and let the kick choose for me. I love her I love her not I I love her.I do. No matter the consequences.Is this what following your total is? I wish there was a map or a compass to help me dumbfound my way. exactly she has my heart, and that above every(prenominal) else is my northbound Star and that give possess to be enough.After I slipped remote from the carriage house book binding to my own chambers, I whatsoeverhow managed to quietude for a few hours. When I awoke, I wondered i f everything was hardly a dream. scarce then I shifted my head on the pillow and saw a neat puddle of dried, crimson line of merchandise and touched my fingers to my throat. I matte a wound there, and though it didnt hurt, it brought fundament the very real incidents of the prior horizontaling.I snarl exhausted and confused and exalted all(prenominal) at at one time. My limbs were enervated, my brain abuzz. It was as if I had a fever, still inside I snarl a sort of calm Id never snarl originally.I dressed for the sidereal day, victorious extra care to wash the wound with a damp cloth and oblige it, then buttoned my linen garment as high as it would go. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. I tried to see if there was anything different, if there was some glint in my eye that ack at one timeledged my new form worldliness. But my gift looked vindicatory as it had yesterday.I crept land the jeopardize stairs toward the study. fusss schedule was alike(p) cl ockwork, and he always spent the mornings surveying and visiting the fields with Robert. erst I closed myself in the cool, dark room, I ran my fingers along the leather-bound spines on each shelf, soupcon comforted by their smoothness. I honorable hoped that somewhere, in the stacks and shelves of books on every subject, there would be a book of account that would answer some of my questions. I re portioned Katherine cultivation The Mysteries of Mystic Falls and observe the volume was no longer in the study, or at least not in plain view.I walked aimlessly from shelf to shelf, for the initial time sprightliness overwhelmed by the number of books in scrams study. Where could I perhaps find information on vampires? sky pilot had volumes of plays, fiction, atlases, and two full shelves of Bibles, some in English, some in Italian, and some in Latin. I traced my mountains against the gilt- lettered, leather spines of each book, hoping that somehow Id find something.Finally, my fingertips landed on a thin, tattered volume with Demonios written in flaking silver on the spine. Demonio fiend This was what I was looking for. I clear the book, but it was written in an ancient Italian dialect that I couldnt make heads nor tails of, despite my extensive tutoring in Latin and Italian.Still, I carried the book with me to the club hold in and settled in. Trying to decipher the book was an action I could envision, something easier than severe to eat breakfast while pretending everything was normal. I ran my fingers along the words, reading place(p) loud as if I were a schoolboy, making real I didnt miss a mention of the word vampiro. Finally, I found it, but the sentences surrounding it were nothing but gibberish to me. I sighed in frustration.Just then, the door to the study creaked open.Whos there? I assureed loudly.Stefan My tiros ruddy face registered surprise. I was looking for you.Oh? I asked, my hand flying to my neck, as if stick could see the bandage under the fabric. But all I felt was the smooth linen of my shirt. My secret was safe.father looked at me strangely. He walked toward me, taking the book off my lap. Y and Iou signify alike, he state, a strange smile curving onto his face.We do? My heart fluttered in my knocker like a hummingbirds wings, and I was sure as shooting pay back could hear my glimmering catching in short, shallow gasps in my throat. I felt sure he could read my thoughts, sure he knew intimately Katherine and me. And if he knew round Katherine, hed kill her and I couldnt bear to esteem of the rest. fetch smiled again. We do. I experience you took our conver sit downion ab break by vampires to heart, and I appreciate you taking this scourge seriously. Of course, I know you have your own motivations in avenging the death of your young Rosalyn, beginner said, making the sign of the cross over his chest. I stared at a thin spot on the Oriental rug, where the fabric was so faded, I could se e the stained wooden floor below. I couldnt look up at set out and let my face betray my secret, betray Katherines secret.Be assured, son, that Rosalyn did not die in vain. She died for Mystic Falls, and she pull up stakes be remembered as we rid our town of this curse. And you, of course, will be an integral part of the plan. Father gestured toward the book I still held. Unlike your dandy-for-nothing br otherwise. What good is all his new military intimacy if he cant put it to use to present his family, his land? Father asked rhetorically. Just today he went off on a ride with some of his soldier friends. Even after I told him I expected him here this morning to accompany us to our contact at Jonathans house.But I wasnt paying attention any much. All I cared ab away(a) was that he didnt know about Katherine. My breathing slowed. There wasnt very lots information that I could register in this book. I dont view its very useful, I said, as if all Id been doing this morning wa s indulging in a scholarly interest in vampires.Thats in effect(p) as well, Father said dismissively, as he carelessly placed the book back on the shelf. I feel that together we have a good store of knowledge.Together? I parroted.Father waved his hand impatiently. Y and Iou Father waved his hand impatiently. Y and Iou and the Founders. Weve set up a council to deal with this. Were heading to a run across right now. Y oure coming.I am? I asked.Father glanced at me in annoyance. I knew I sounded like a simpleton, but there was simply too some(prenominal) information swimming in my mind to even begin to understand it all.Y And Im taking Cordelia as well. She hases. a good knowledge of herbs and demons. The meeting is at Jonathan gigabytes house. Father nodded, as if the subject was closed.I nodded as well, even though I was surprised. Jonathan Gilbert was a university teacher and some measure journeyman who Father not so privately called a crackpot. But now Father said his name wi th reverence. For the thousandth time that day, I completed this truly was a different world.Alfred is hitching up the carriage, but I will drive it. Do not tell anyone where were going. Ive already sworn Cordelia to secrecy, Father said as he strode out of the room. After a second, I followed him, but not before I slipped Demonios into my back pocket.I sit down next to Father in the front seat of the carriage, while Cordelia sit in the back, hidden from sight lest she arouse suspicion. It was strange to be out in the morning, especially without a footman to drive us, and I caught the curious stares of Mr. Vickery as we passed by the Blue Ridge Estate next door. I waved, until I felt Fathers hand on my arm, a subtle warning not to attract attention to ourselves.Father began talking once we entered the barren elongate of dirt road that separated the plantation road from town. I dont understand your brother. Do you? What man doesnt respect his father? If I didnt know better, Id thi nk he was consorting with one of them, Father said, spitting on the dirt road.why would you think that? I asked uncomfortably, a trickle of sweat running down my spine. I ran my finger beneath my collar, recoiling when I felt the gauze bandage of my neck. It was damp, but from sweat or blood I could not tell.My thoughts were a tangle. Was I betraying Katherine by attending this meeting? Was I betraying Father by keeping Katherines secret? Who was evil or good? Nothing seemed clear.I think that because they have that kind of power, Father said, using the whip on Blaze as if to prove the point. Blaze whinnied before shifting into a fast trot.I looked back at Cordelia, but she was impassively gross(a) straight ahead.They can take over a mind before a man realizes anything is amiss. They compel them to submit fully to their charms and whims. Just a glance can make a man do whatever a vampire desires. And by the time a man does know hes being controlled, its too late.Really? I asked sk eptically. I thought back to last night. Had Katherine done that to me? But no. Even when I was frightened, Id been myself. And all my feelings had been mine. Maybe vampires could do that, but Katherine certainly hadnt done it to me.Father chuckled. Well, not all the time. One hopes that a man is strong enough to deem that type of influence. And I certainly have raised my sons to be strong. Still, I wonder what could possibly have gotten into Damons head.Im sure hes fine, I said, suddenly very nervous at the idea that Damon might have figured out Katherines secret. I think hes simply not sure what he wants.I dont care what he wants, Father said. What he needs to remember is that hes my son and I will not be disobeyed. These are dangerous times, much more so than Damon realizes. And he needs to understand that if he is not with us, people might construe that his sympathies lie elsewhere.I think he scarce doesnt believe in vampires, I said, a sick feeling forming in the pit of my st omach.Shhh Father whispered, waving his hand toward me to quiet me down. The horses were clip-clopping into town, just past the saloon, where Jeremiah hopting was already nearly passed out by the door, a half bottle of whiskey at his feet.Somehow, I didnt think Jeremiah Black was listening or even seeing what was going on, but I nodded, pleased that the silence gave me a chance to sort finished my thoughts.I glanced over to my right, where Pearl and her daughter were sitting on the iron work bench outside the apothecary, fanning themselves. I waved to them, but, seeing Fathers warning glance, thought better about calling out to say hello. I closed my mouth and sat silently until we reached the other end of town, where Jonathan Gilbert lived in an ill-kept mansion that had once belonged to his father. Father often made fun of the fact that the house was dropping apart, but today he said nothing as Alfred open(a) the door of the carriage.Cordelia, Father called tersely, allowing her to walk up the rickety steps of the Gilbert mansion first as we followed suit.Before we could ring the bell, Jonathan himself opened the door. pricy to see you, Giuseppe, Stefan. And you must be Cordelia. Ive heard much about your knowledge of native herbs, he said, offering his hand to her.Jonathan led us through the labyrinthine hallways and toward a tiny door next to the grand staircase. Jonathan opened it and gestured for us to head inside. We took turns ducking down to enter a cut into that was about ten feet long, with a flimsy ladder at the other end. Wordlessly we climbed the ladder and emerged into a tiny, windowless space that immediately made me feel claustrophobic. Two candles burned in tarnished candleholders on a water-stained table, and as my look adjusted to the dim light, I could make out Honoria Fells sitting cautious on a rocker in the corner. city manager Lockwood and Sheriff Forbes shared an old wooden bench.Gentlemen, Honoria said, standing up and welc oming us as if we were just stopping in for tea. And Im afraid I havent made your acquaintance, Mrs. Honoria glanced suspiciously at Cordelia.Cordelia, Cordelia murmured, glancing from one face to another, as if this was the last place she wanted to be.My father coughed uncomfortably. She treated Stefan during his spells after his After his fiance got her throat ripped out? city manager Lockwood said gruffly. mayor Honoria said, clapping her hand to her mouth.As Jonathan ducked back out into the hall, I settled on a straight-backed result as far away from the group as possible. I felt out of place, though probably not as out of place as Cordelia, who was now awkwardly sitting on a wooden chair next to Honorias rocker.Now, then Jonathan Gilbert said, coming back to the room, his arms crocked with tools and papers and objects I couldnt even begin to identify. He sat on a moth-eaten velvet armchair at the head of the table and looked around. Lets begin.Fire, Father said simply.A shiv er of fear ran up my spine. Fire was how Katherines parents had perished. Was that because they were vampires, too? Had Katherine been the only one to escape?Fire? city manager Lockwood repeated.Its been recorded, many times in Italy, that fire kills them, as does beheading or a gamble in the heart. And, of course, there are herbs that can protect us. Father nodded to Cordelia.Vervain, Cordelia confirmed.Vervain, Honoria said dreamily. How pretty.Cordelia snorted. It aint nothing but a herb. But if you let out it, then you have protection from the devil. Some say it can also work a bit to nurse those whove been around them back to health. But its poison to them devils you call vampires.I want some Honoria said greedily, holding out her hand eagerly.I dont have any with me, Cordelia said.Y dont? Father looked at her sharply.ou Its all gone from the garden. I used it for Mr. Stefans remedies then when I went to pick it this morning, it was all gone. Was probably the children who too k it, Cordelia said indignantly, but she glanced straight at me. I looked away, quieten myself that if she had known about Katherines true nature, she would have told my father by now.Well, then, where do I get some? Honoria asked.Its probably right under your nose, Cordelia said.What? asked Honoria sharply, as if shed been insulted.It grows everywhere. Except our garden, Cordelia said darkly.Well, Father said, glancing at the two women, anxious to unfold the situation. After this meeting, Cordelia may escort Miss Honoria to her garden to find vervain.Now, holdup just a damn minute, Mayor Lockwood said, pounding his beefy clenched fist on the table. Y lost me at the woman talk. Y mingy toou ou tell me that if I wear a lilac sprig, then the demons will leave me alone? He snorted.Vervain, not lilac, Cordelia explained. It keeps evil away.Y es, Father said sagely. And everyone in town must wear it. See to it, Mayor Lockwood. That way, not only will our citizens be protected, but a nyone who does not wear it will be exposed as a vampire and can then be burned, Father said, his voice so smooth and pragmatical that it took every ounce of self-control for me not to stand up, rush down the shaky ladder, find Katherine, and run away with her.But if I did that, and if Katherine was as dangerous as the Founders thought I felt like a trapped animal, unable to find any escape. Was I trapped with the opposite right now, or was the enemy back at Veritas? I knew that, beneath my shirt collar, the wound on my neck was beginning to ooze specks of blood, and it would only be a matter of time before they soaked through the fabric and stood out as a visible reminder of my betrayal.Mayor Lockwood shifted uneasily, causing the chair to creak. I jumped. Now, if the herb works, thats one thing. But were in the midway of a war. Weve got a lot of Confederate government officials overtaking through Mystic Falls on their way to Richmond, and if word gets out that instead of aidin g the cause were fighting storybook creatures with flowers He shook his head. We cannot issue an edict that everyone wear vervain.Oh, really? Then how do we know youre not a vampire? Father demanded.Father I interjected. Someone had to bring a voice of reason into the discussion. Mayor Lockwood is right. We need to think calmly. Rationally.Y son has a good head on his shoulders,our Mayor Lockwood said grudgingly.A better head than yours, Father mumbled.Well we can discuss vervain later. Honoria, youll be in charge of making sure that we have a ready supply, and we can strongly encourage those we love to wear it. But for now, I want to discuss other ways we can find the vampires that walk among us, Jonathan Gilbert said excitedly, unfolding large sheets of paper onto the table. Mayor Lockwood put his bifocals on his nose and peered at the papers, which had abstruse mechanical drawings on them.This here looks like a compass, Mayor Lockwood said finally, pointing to a complicated d rawing.It is But instead of finding north, it finds vampires, Jonathan said, barely containing his excitement. Im working on the prototype. It just needs a bit more fine-tuning. Its able to detect blood. The blood of others, he said meaningfully.Can I see that, Mr. Jonathan? Cordelia asked.Jonathan looked up, surprised, but pass on her the papers. She shook her head.No, she said. The prototype. Oh, ah, well, its very rough, Jonathan said as he fumbled in his back pocket and pulled out a shiny metal object that looked more like a childs trinket than a tool for finding victims.Cordelia turned the compass slowly in her hands. It works?Well Jonathan shruggedit will work.Heres what I propose, Father said, leaning back on his chair. We arm ourselves with vervain. We work day and night to get the compass to work. And we make a plan. We set up a siege, and by months end our town will be clear. Father crossed his arms in satisfaction. One by one, every member of the group, including Cordel ia, nodded their heads.I shifted on the wooden chair, holding my hand against my neck. The attic was gamey and sticky, and flies were buzzing in the rafters, as if it were the middle of July rather than the middle of September. I desperately needed a glass of water, and I felt like the room was going to collapse in on me. I needed to see Katherine again, to remind myself that she wasnt a monster. My breathing became shallow, and I felt that if I stayed here, I would say something I didnt mean.I think Im feeling faint, I heard myself say, even though the words rang false even to my ears. Father looked at me sharply. I could tell he didnt believe me, but Honoria clucked out sympathetic noises.Father cleared his throat. Ill see my boy out, he announced to the room before following me down the rickety ladder.Stefan, Father said, grabbing my shoulder just as I opened the door that would hold back to a world I understood.What? I gasped.Remember. Not a word of this to anyone. Even Damon. Not until he comes to his senses. Except I think his senses may be taken with our Katherine, Father muttered, half to himself as he let go of my arm. I stiffened at the mention of Katherines name, but when I turned around, Fathers back was toward me as he headed into the house.I walked back through town, wishing Id ridden Mezzanotte instead of coming in the carriage. Now I had no choice but to walk home. I turned to my left, deciding to cut through the forest. I simply couldnt interact with any more cosmos today.